midweek muster: 20th August
+ catching up
+ surprisingly catchy
midweek muster: 13th August
+ a new month, are we already behind?
+ recognising achievements - receiving good feedback on a piece. Small victories, small steps.
+ guardians of the galaxy
+ trying to utilise this nervous energy to do something constructive - to make such nervousness a source of change, to strive for something better
+ Up the northern hills, a quiet catch up with friends, both old and new
+ it has been a while since I’ve actually decided to plan and strategise to achieve a goal - perhaps a conditioned reaction to a fear of failure and judgement
+ a better time
+ learning that the worst thing that could happen is for someone to say ‘no’. Understanding that ‘no’ is in no way a personal rejection. There are numerous factors in that calculation.
+ a few more growing pains
- I left my favorite pair of underwear at your house. I know your mother hates me, can I come pick them up?
- It’s been almost a month and I still miss you like a fucking limb.
- I didn’t know my bones could ache until I met you.
- You know, a week before we broke up, do you remember? I had bought a book of poetry. You asked why I didn’t read something more interesting and I could feel my insides splinter.
- You said poetry was all lies dressed up to sound pretty. When I look at you these days, I want to ask if sadness sounds pretty to you too.
- It’s 3 a.m. and this alcohol tastes like you.
- I saw you staring at me today during Lit class. I smiled at you and you didn’t smile back. I almost cried.
- The girl who sits next to me smells like you.
- I miss you.
- I have never had so many bad nights.
- Sometimes I write poetry about you on the internet. Strangers who have never met either of us think you’re cruel – they tell me if they had the honor of loving me, we’d have sex three times a day and they’d scream my name when they came.
- They think it is beautiful, how I am broken. I don’t think they understand.
- You used to tell me I was beautiful. I tried saying it in the mirror the other day, but it sounded wrong without your mouth wrapped around it.
- Everything I say sounds wrong without your mouth wrapped around it.
- We were never in love, but, oh God, we could have been.
❝ Poems are never just poems. They’re compensating for something. Here are the words I wish I had written in crescent-moon bite marks down your neck. Here are a hundred words for “stay,” and a hundred more for “please.” Here is how I hold a pen. Here is how the pen holds me. Here are my thoughts, over-steeped in empty fervor. Here is nothing and everything all at the same time. ❞
—— Fragment 5, Kristina Kutateladze
❝ Characters exist in a flat line until we challenge them — sometimes they challenge themselves, sometimes they’re challenged by other people, by nature, by robots, or by fungal infections in and around one’s nether-country. Stories need conflict across the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual spectra. Accidents, betrayals, cataclysm, desperation, excess — these are the letters in the alphabet of conflict. ❞
—— Chuck Wendig
The first time in my life when I felt ‘different’ was when I moved to California when I was 12. It was a large adjustment. I didn’t feel like I fit in for the first time in my life. I didn’t feel like I had friends outside of my family. I didn’t feel like I was home.
Funnily enough that’s what started me making videos and doing what I do because it made me happy - and since I didn’t have a lot to make me happy, it’s what I kept going back to.
And again funnily enough, I was scared to tell my friends. I was terrified that they would find out until they kind of found out on their own. And now that I’m older I look back and I hate that I felt like that. I hate that I was groomed to be so fearful of what I was doing. I think you should embrace your individuality, what makes you different. I wish it wouldn’t have taken me so long to figure that out, but I guess that’s growing up.”
—— Dylan O’Brien at Giffoni Film Festival (paraphrased from the live stream) (via rustypolished
❝ If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph. ❞
Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters
they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”
And, of course:
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."
the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.
midweek muster: 30th July
+ all five senses
+ the best things don’t always go to plan
+ midweek surprises, lunches, casual talks
+ maybe it’s the little things
+ procrastination, my habit of choice